Stars seem to suffer a unique kind of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), one that makes them change partners, behave erratically, spend wildly, gain or lose weight and generally misbehave in public. They go from being uber-nasty to positively angelic.
Science can’t prove that their behavioural changes have anything to do with the weather, but recently, there have been dramatic and deliciously naughty stories in the tabloids.
Celebrities are undoubtedly a weird and shallow bunch but they rarely stop being interesting or beautiful (apart from the mug shots when they’re arrested sans make-up…).
Here are a few favourite changelings. (Some of the following may be unsubstantiated rumour but, in this particular story, I’ve no problem playing a game of broken telephone.)
Good Girls Gone Wild
Britney Spears – Oh sweet, ignorant youth. Remember the first time you heard, “Hit Me Baby, One More Time”? Me neither. But who could have predicted that Britney, once the globally renowned, high priestess of virginity, would be married twice, have a child and then pull a Michael Jackson stunt, putting her baby in harm’s way? No, she didn’t dangle her son from a balcony, but she did roar away from the paparazzi in her SUV holding her young’ un in her lap…and that’s bratty and irresponsible.
Lindsay Lohan – One of her most adorable performances was in the remake of The Parent Trap. Since then, Lohan has lost about 100 lbs and now has a figure as curvy as a broomstick; is well known for driving erratically in Hollywood; and has no problem daring friends to leap from the balcony into the pool at Hollywood’s recently renovated Roosevelt Hotel. Wherever she is, a whirlwind of chaos follows.
Once Naughty, Now Nice
Madonna/Esther – Oh Wild One, we scarcely recognize ye. She bared all in the documentary, Truth or Dare, hitch-hiked naked along a highway for her book “Sex” and generally, was the poster child for selfishness through the 1980s and 1990s.
Today, the Kabbalah follower is penning children’s books, has lent her name to a clothing line, and favours horseback riding over publicity-grubbing. Though she’s going on tour this summer and will always be a gajillionaire, alas, Madonna has really lost that wicked edge.
Angelina Jolie – She’s too obvious to leave out. Jolie’s a bisexual who snogged her brother at the Academy Awards. Not that there’s anything wrong with being bisexual, some of my best friends are bisexual. She also used to wear a vial of Billy Bob Thornton’s blood around her neck and there’s definitely something wrong with that. Her gradual metamorphosis into a United Nations Ambassador kind of snuck up on everyone but her romance with Brad Pitt didn’t. For now, Mme. Jolie is playing nice.